Today I’ve been working on revisions for Eternal Hearts (Book 2) and writing Eternal Embers (Book 5 – which is Odin’s book). The problem is, two other characters keep ranting and raving in my brain about their own books. This is all well and good, but Odin doesn’t like to be kept waiting. So, an argument ensued…and this is how it went:
Jen: Vouclade, leave Odin alone.
Odin: Yeah, Four-Eyes. And while you’re at it, leave Jen alone, too. It’s my turn.
Vouclade: I’ll do no such thing. I’m your Elder. It’s only proper I should fall before you.
Odin (laughing hysterically): If you want to fall first, I’ll be happy to run you through. Just don’t turn your skinny ass sideways…you might disappear.
Raze: Ya know what, screw you both. I’ve been good for over eight thousand years. It’s my turn.
(Pause while Odin and Vouclade laugh in unison.)
Jen: Raze, I know you’ve been good. I do. But your story might not be long enough for an entire book.
Raze (Trying to talk over V and O who are still laughing, only louder now): What!?! What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m a complex woman. You can’t possibly tell my story in less than 90,000 words. I’m deep!
Odin: Yeah, you’re deep alright. So deep you’re covering my boots.
(Raze shows Odin her favorite finger.)
(Odin promptly responds with his.)
Jen: Look, fingers, unless they’re mine on the keyboard…aren’t going to get us anywhere.
Odin: Actually, fingers get Oktober a lot of places.
Jen (groaning): No, no one talks about Oktober yet. I only have room for so many voices at once!
Vouclade: A typical limitation of the human mind.
(Jen shows Vouclade her favorite finger.)
Jen: That’s it, Vookie. You just bought yourself a woman who’s a pain in the ass.
Vouclade: I wasn’t aware there were any who weren’t.
(Raze pulls her blade and smacks Vouclade’s ass with the broadside.)
Raze (grinning wide): I’ll give you a pain in the ass.
Odin: Hey! Don’t you pull a blade on my brother.
(Vouclade smacks Raze on the forehead and she falls over, unconscious.)
Odin: Nice. I’ll get the honey and feathers – you tickle her nose.
Odin (pouting): No homemade chicken suit for ‘da Angel?
Jen: No! No chicken suits. Can’t you guys just behave?
Vouclade: Succumb to my demands and I’ll return to my laboratory.
Jen: But it’s not your time yet, Vookie. You have to help Odin see the light before you can settle down.
Odin: See the light? What light? What color is it? (He eyes Raze, who’s still unconscious on the floor.) That shit better not be gold, Jen.
Jen (shaking head): It’s not gold, Odin. Raze isn’t even in your story.
Odin: Good. I mean, she’s cute and all…but she’s gotta mouth on her, ya know?
Jen: Gee, ya don’t say?
(Odin rolls his blacked-out eyes.)
Vouclade: This conversation is pointless. I’m escalating my grievance to a higher level.
Jen: You wouldn’t!
(Vouclade turns on his heel and leaves without another word.)
Odin: He would. He’s a bitch like that.
Jen (looks to where Vookie walked out, then back to Odin and shakes her head again): Oh well, at least it’s just you now. Let’s get back to work.
Odin (feigns an insulted gasp): You didn’t say there was going to be work!
And now you know what it's like to be in my brain when they start acting like 5 year olds. :)