In my quest to blog at least once a week for awhile, which I hope will then turn in to blogging multiple times a week somewhere in the near future, I decided to take a look back at some of the comments and e-mails I’ve received regarding Eternal Seduction. Yes, I admit that I needed a little inspiration today, but I also noticed that a few questions seemed to keep popping up from readers. So, I figured I’d take a little time to share the top five with you, and of course, my answers...
1. What made you decide to make your vampires so old?
The best answer to this question is…I love science. I know you’re probably sitting there thinking, “Huh? What?” – but those three words really sum it up. Homo Sapiens, as a species, date back over 250,000 years. That means a quarter of a million years ago there existed peoples with the same cognizant and cognitive reasoning skills as you and me. They built shelter, used tools, prepared food, and cared for their families in much the same manner as we do now. Actually, now that I think about it…considering I just finished watching the local news…I can’t help but wonder whether maybe they were better people than we are now. However, I think that’s a blog post for another day. :)
When I set out to create the Darkness Within world, I wanted my vampires and other supernaturals to be as old as humanity, a presence among us since the beginning. And to accomplish that task, I had to research the beginning of the human species so that I could get a handle on what kind of ages might be appropriate. I know that depending on someone’s personal religious beliefs, the “beginning of humanity” can be rather subjective, if not a hotly debated topic – but my concern in the initial stages of creating the series had nothing to do with religion of any sort. I wanted hard facts and numbers. I wanted to know, based on scientific data, when the earliest decision-capable humans came to be. And my answer was 250,000 years ago.
Are any of my supernaturals that old? No, not even close. But most of the Ancients are older than many other author’s versions of vampires…and I’m just fine with that. ;)
2. Why doesn’t Stefan have eyes?
Stefan’s Sire, who shall at this moment in time remain nameless, burnt out his eyes shortly after turning him into a vampire. Without going into great detail or giving too much away, it has to do with the belief that of all the senses – sight is the most easily deceived.
3. Will we see Odin in other books or will he get his own book?
Yes and yes. Odin makes an appearance in books 2 (Eternal Hearts), 3 (Eternal Embrace) and 4 (Eternal Desires)…and book 5 (Eternal Embers) belongs to him. You get to meet his heroine in book 4 though. :D
4. Why does Logan brush her teeth so much?
For this one, I’m going to steal my answer from the interview I did with BittenbyBooks.com:
For her, it’s a somewhat twisted but comforting affirmation of survival. Most people brush their teeth first thing after they wake up, to most, it’s an absolute necessity. So if she lives to brush her teeth that day and has the means to do so, she knows her life could be a lot worse.
5. Do you have any plans to give Kerestyan & Logan a second book, or maybe a third?
I hadn’t really thought about it until I realized I had so many requests to do it. I’ve literally had hundreds of pleas for Logan & Kerestyan’s story to be turned into a trilogy. And most of the time the reason is because she doesn’t quite love him at the end of ES, which according to my wonderful readers, gives them an uneasy feeling that things could always change.
I guess I never thought of it that way, but I have to admit they’re probably right. So, yes…I’m currently considering giving Logan & Kerestyan at least another book, if not a trilogy. The extended story wouldn’t tie into the larger plotline happening between the series books, but it would run parallel, and at least give you more insight into the Nelek family and how Kerestyan came to be. Not to mention, it’d be really fun to share some of Logan’s daily life as a Servio to the Lord of NY, and also how she puts what she learned from Trinity to work. No doubt, her rather ruthless nature would probably cause her and Kerestyan a little trouble when it comes time for her to truly get involved in vampiric politics. ;)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
The 3rd Shift Writing Project...
As some of you who’ve connected with me on Facebook may know, tonight begins my 3rd Shift Writing Project. The 3SWP, as it shall now be known, came about because after taking a long look at my writing career over the last year and a half, I realized something has to change. I’m nowhere near as productive as I used to be, and there isn’t much right now I want more than to rediscover whatever formula I had when I first started writing. So I’m beginning the 3SWP by writing this very personal story about what I think is wrong with me right now, and how I intend to fix it.
In April of 2003, my husband’s father passed away and left his home to Chad and his stepmother. I’ll spare you the horrific details of the months following, but suffice it to say that someone’s true colors were shown and it most certainly wasn’t a pretty display. At the time, I was 25, Chad was 22, and the Heathen had just turned 4. I knew we weren’t ready for the responsibilities of maintaining a home, but there was no way I could look at Chad and refuse him the house he grew up in. So, he did what he needed to do and got a loan to buy out his stepmother’s half of the house. We moved in sometime in early July of 2003, and for awhile things were really good.
I’d always dabbled in writing. I think I’ve mentioned before that when I was a kid I loved to write horror stories. But when we moved into the house, which had 3 bedrooms, suddenly I had an office. I had a place where I could go and pretend to be a real writer. And in October of 2004, after falling in love with Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Dark Hunter series, I decided I wanted to write my own series of vampire novels that were darker and grittier than anything I could find in the bookstore. Plus, though I still love them to this very day, I never really saw the Dark Hunters as true vampires. I had my own crazy ideas of what a vampire should be, and I wondered if there was any way I could create characters who stepped off the pages like the ones SK wrote. It was a hell of an undertaking, and I have to admit that I might have been a little delusional at the time…but it was a goal. A goal I never thought would take me anywhere. ;)
I started writing “Sweet Revenge”, which would later become “Eternal Hearts”, in October of 2004. But in November of 2004, when I was about half way done with the book, I got the bright idea to start my own website, even though I knew nothing about building a website, because I wanted feedback from people who didn’t know me. People who had absolutely no reason to be nice to me. I was a regular in the Dark Hunter chat room at the time, and MamaLo graciously allowed me to ask for readers there and share my website address with them. Next thing I knew, I had a handful of strangers who were stopping by my shoddy little place on the web, leaving me comments about each chapter as I posted it.
And wouldn’t you know…they liked it.
Looking back at my writing then, I have no idea how they could’ve liked it. My grammar was all over the place. My paragraph structure left much to be desired. I really didn’t have any idea about what I was doing or the particulars of balancing characters and plot. I was just telling a story. There wasn’t anything fancy about it. I didn’t watch how many times I used the work “look” instead of spicing things up with stared or gazed or cast a glance. I didn’t freak out because my sentence structure was repetitive, or because I used the word “just” six times in the space of three pages. I didn’t do a search on the word “was” simply to make sure every instance of the little bastard was active instead of passive. I just wrote. I told Toni and Drake’s story…and I was happy.
I finished “Sweet Revenge” in late December of 2004. And, of course, I wanted it published ASAP – because damn it, I wasn’t the only one who thought it was good! Strangers liked it. People who read Sherrilyn Kenyon’s books actually thought mine was good. They read stories penned by the AG’s magical fingers and thought my story was worthy!!! Trust me when I tell you – no one was more shocked than me. And I was also just as shocked when after doing some research and then querying a few agents, two actually asked me to send them sample chapters. It pains me to admit it now, but I spent an outrageous amount of money on getting a few copies of the query letter, synopsis, and first three chapters printed at Kinko’s. Outrageous I tell you. I’m talking well over $200.00.
Both agents who’d requested the partial manuscript rejected the book about a month and a half later.
One of them even commented that “while the story is intriguing and your voice is strong, you’re technical writing skills aren’t.” And yes, he bashed my technical writing skills all while using you’re instead of your. ;) Now I just laugh…but at the time I was heartbroken. I think I went through nearly every emotion known to man in the space of a few hours. However, when Jen’s dysfunctional wheel of emotion finally stopped spinning, it landed squarely on spite. I’d like to cushion my ego by saying it was actually perseverance, I really would…but I’d be lying. Spite was what carried me through two more books, both of which were written between February 2005 and May 2005. I kept posting chapters on my website as they were finished. I continued to garner praise and encouragement as more and more people showed up to read my work. Truth be told, by the time I finished writing Eternal Desires…I felt like I was on top of the world. Dozens of people were stopping by my website every day to see if I’d posted a new chapter. They were popping into my chat room night after night, wanting to know more about the characters and whose story was next. And I was there every single night to greet them. It didn’t matter if I had to be to work in the morning, because I’d stay in that chat room until I had no other choice than to walk out the door at 8:00 AM lest I get fired. It felt so good to be the center of attention…to have the adoration of people who were just as interested in my world as I was.
The problem was that while I was lost in the fantasy world I’d created…reality sat in the basement wondering where his wife had gone.
It’s not easy to admit that my house was a total mess for months. It’s not easy to admit that there were times when Chad would walk in the door at 1:00 AM (he worked 4pm to 1am), only to find our beautiful 5 year old Heathen being entertained by a movie in the living room because Mommy was too busy chatting on the computer to put her to bed. To this day, the span of October 2004 – August 2005, remains one of the most accomplished…but completely awful periods in my life. I wrote three books during that time, started four more, and made a handful of friends that I still talk to today – but I damn near tore my family apart in the process…
It took a lot of fighting, then being told by a lawyer that there was no way we could get a divorce without the judge ordering us to counseling first, and a few months of said counseling…before Chad and I figured out how to pull our relationship back together. I can look back now and clearly see that we both made mistakes. Me, in retreating into a self-created fantasy world because I thought it was better than my real world. Him, in bottling everything up and not talking about the problems until it was almost too late. But somehow, some way, we made it through and managed to come out better in the end. Sitting here now, I still don’t know how we did it…but I can’t even begin to explain how happy I am that we did. Neither of us is anywhere near perfect, but I’d rather be flawed and with him…than be perfect with anyone else.
I didn’t so much as touch a computer in a writing capacity again for over two years. And let me tell you…it practically took Chad sitting me down in my black leather office chair and putting my fingers on the keyboard to get me to write again. And even then, I’d close the office door behind him and just sit at the computer and cry. I was so afraid that I’d fall back into those bad habits if I started writing again. I was so scared that I’d get sucked back into my fantasy world and lose sight of everything else.
It took a few days and a whole lot of reassurance from Chad, but in November of 2007 I finally started writing again. I’d already decided that the Darkness Within series would probably start out better if the first heroine was a human, and after hanging out in the bookstore one day…Logan Ellis was born. I finished Eternal Seduction in February of 2008. I sent out a round of queries to agents again shortly thereafter, and this time when the requests came – I printed my own copies for no more than the cost of an ink cartridge and tossed them in the mail.
All three agents who’d requested the full manuscript rejected the book about two months later. :)
The only difference this time was that I didn’t get form rejection letters or nasty comments about my technical writing abilities. I had communication with each of the agents, and the consensus was simply that Logan was way too non-traditional for a heroine…and the story was just too dark for the market. They weren’t passing on ES because of my writing abilities. In fact, they had nothing but praise for my writing style and the strength of my voice. I was asked by two of those agents to change Logan’s circumstances, lighten the overall tone of the novel, and then resubmit. I’ve shared this part of my publication story before, but just in case someone’s reading this who doesn’t know…after a lot of thought – I chose not to change Logan or the darker nature of my world. I wanted to tell the story of a character who wasn’t even close to being perfect. A character who’d made mistakes, lived through the consequences…and even in her darkest moments was still worth redemption.
Personally, though I had to take an often criticized and very non-traditional route to get the book out there, I still think I’ve done pretty well with it. ;)
But to continue my story - due to a bad decision to refinance our house via an adjustable rate loan in early 2006, which caused our monthly payment to nearly double when the first adjustment came in 2008, as well as a series of job losses…we lost our home to foreclosure. I’d say I was upset about it, but I really wasn’t. For me, losing the house was actually a relief. Chad and I have always lived paycheck to paycheck. We never had the money to make repairs to the house like it needed. Granted, it wasn’t falling down around us or anything…but the damn thing was built in 1951 and still had the original windows. Not to mention it still had a fuse box and fabric covered wiring. So, like I said, I wasn’t exactly devastated.
In August of 2008 we went from a 2,200 square foot, 3 bedroom house with a full basement…to a 650 square foot, 2 bedroom apartment. Bonus: the house only had one bathroom and our apartment has two. Bonus: while we still live paycheck to paycheck, Chad makes enough to handle all our bills with a little extra left over each month. Bonus: because Chad’s paychecks cover everything, I can stay home and write. Not that I could find a job outside the house right now if I wanted to, considering all my skills are for office work and I haven’t seen an office related want ad in our local paper for over a year.
There are other bonuses, too. Big ones, like being here for the Heathen when she gets home from school. Having the time to spend with her when she wants to watch a movie or talk about why she doesn’t like some of her classmates, which is always fun. :) Then there’s being here for Chad, especially now that he’s working 50+ hours a week AND going to college full-time. I can’t tell you how great it feels to be able to give him the same kind of support he gave me when I decided to self-publish Eternal Seduction.
The problem right now is that part of lending him that unwavering support involves not having nearly the amount of time to write that I used to. And even now, almost 5 years after the relationship issues my writing once caused…I still have trouble writing for more than an hour or two when he or the Heathen are home or awake. And I still can’t focus on writing unless the apartment is spotless, and all the chores/duties I feel like I’m responsible for are finished. It doesn’t matter how many times Chad tells me that we aren’t the same people we were back then, or how many times he tells me to keep writing…I just can’t do it. I know it's a psychological thing. I know it's based on fears that are five years old. But what I feel will always win out over what I know, even when logic tells me otherwise.
I’m also finding that I really miss having an office. When I was at my desk in our former home, comfortable in my high back chair, I was damn near unstoppable. I could close the door, crank up the music, and go wherever the characters wanted to take me. When I stepped into that room, I knew I was at work. The Heathen knew I was at work. She didn’t see me sitting at the kitchen table, which is literally in the kitchen, working less than 5 feet from the refrigerator…or on the couch in the living room. She wasn’t tempted to talk to me about whatever topic was on her mind because Mom working looked the same as Mom playing a game on her laptop. And I…well, I can’t look at her when she wants my attention and tell her she can’t talk to me because I’m writing. She’s almost 11…in two years I’ll probably have to bribe her to talk to me. I don’t want to miss the moments when she actually wants to share her thoughts with me.
I should also take a moment to point out that this apartment complex is quickly turning into the ghetto of this rather small college town. When we first moved here there were some college kids…but now they’re everywhere. I can’t sit in the living room during the day and try to write without hearing people hooting and hollering outside. I also can’t sit at the table around Noon, when people are standing outside my front windows while waiting for their kids to get off the bus, without hearing the f-word 50+ times or stories about anal sex, or whatever else they’ve decided to talk about. And mind you, I can still hear them plain as day with the windows closed and headphones on.
Yes, the windows are that bad.
I wish I wasn’t the kind of writer who needs peace and quiet, aside from whatever music I’ve chosen for the scene I’m writing…but I am. If I’m engrossed in writing a scene, especially an emotional or intimate scene, it only takes three to four distractions to completely pull me out of the story. And once I’m out, it can easily take an hour or more for the irritation to subside so I can get back to where I was. This is one of my main problems with Eternal Hearts right now. Toni is a very compassionate and caring character, and one I can’t write when I’m pissed off or irritated. She’s also an extremely difficult character for me to write in the first place, mostly because her personality is so different from my own. I have a hard enough time not turning her into Logan’s evil twin as it is…the last thing I need is to already be in a bad mood when I sit down to do the final read.
I know the obvious answer is to move into a 3 bedroom apartment in a quieter complex, but right now that’s not something Chad and I can afford. Plus, we had to sign a lease for August 2010 – August 2011 back in December or they’d rent our apartment to someone else. So, at the very least, we’re stuck here until next year. The question now is how do I deal with all the distractions and irritations that this apartment complex causes me, and manage to keep writing without feeling like I’m missing out on time with my family? And, how the hell do I get my books out on time if I’m too irritated write?
I’m about five hours into the first night of the 3SWP. That stands for 3rd Shift Writing Project, just in case you forgot while reading the short book I’ve written so far…if you’ve even managed to stay with me this long. :) This is my answer. I’m writing while Chad and the Heathen are asleep. I don’t feel guilty for working while they’re sitting in the living room. I don’t feel like I’m neglecting the two people I love more than anything in the world. And so far, the apartment complex appears to be playing along. There’s no screaming, no drunken college kids running around the parking lot, and no discussions happening outside my windows between sex crazed neighbors. There’s just me, my music, and the almost 3,000 words I’ve written in the last few hours. Granted, these words aren’t meant for the pages of a book, but this is the first time in months that I’ve managed to put this much “ink to paper” in one sitting.
I know that revelation probably doesn’t seem like a big deal, and it certainly doesn’t get Eternal Hearts any closer to your bookshelf…but it means a lot to me. It means that once I take Chad and the Heathen to work/school at 8:45 AM, then come home and go back to bed until 3:00 PM…I’ll wake up to start my day having accomplished the only goal I set for myself tonight…
I wrote a story that made me smile, a story that made me cry…and a story that reminded me why I love writing in the first place. There was nothing fancy about it. And not once did I stop to check whether my sentence structure had become repetitive, or worry that I used the word “just” too many times. I just wrote. I told my story…and I was happy.
In April of 2003, my husband’s father passed away and left his home to Chad and his stepmother. I’ll spare you the horrific details of the months following, but suffice it to say that someone’s true colors were shown and it most certainly wasn’t a pretty display. At the time, I was 25, Chad was 22, and the Heathen had just turned 4. I knew we weren’t ready for the responsibilities of maintaining a home, but there was no way I could look at Chad and refuse him the house he grew up in. So, he did what he needed to do and got a loan to buy out his stepmother’s half of the house. We moved in sometime in early July of 2003, and for awhile things were really good.
I’d always dabbled in writing. I think I’ve mentioned before that when I was a kid I loved to write horror stories. But when we moved into the house, which had 3 bedrooms, suddenly I had an office. I had a place where I could go and pretend to be a real writer. And in October of 2004, after falling in love with Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Dark Hunter series, I decided I wanted to write my own series of vampire novels that were darker and grittier than anything I could find in the bookstore. Plus, though I still love them to this very day, I never really saw the Dark Hunters as true vampires. I had my own crazy ideas of what a vampire should be, and I wondered if there was any way I could create characters who stepped off the pages like the ones SK wrote. It was a hell of an undertaking, and I have to admit that I might have been a little delusional at the time…but it was a goal. A goal I never thought would take me anywhere. ;)
I started writing “Sweet Revenge”, which would later become “Eternal Hearts”, in October of 2004. But in November of 2004, when I was about half way done with the book, I got the bright idea to start my own website, even though I knew nothing about building a website, because I wanted feedback from people who didn’t know me. People who had absolutely no reason to be nice to me. I was a regular in the Dark Hunter chat room at the time, and MamaLo graciously allowed me to ask for readers there and share my website address with them. Next thing I knew, I had a handful of strangers who were stopping by my shoddy little place on the web, leaving me comments about each chapter as I posted it.
And wouldn’t you know…they liked it.
Looking back at my writing then, I have no idea how they could’ve liked it. My grammar was all over the place. My paragraph structure left much to be desired. I really didn’t have any idea about what I was doing or the particulars of balancing characters and plot. I was just telling a story. There wasn’t anything fancy about it. I didn’t watch how many times I used the work “look” instead of spicing things up with stared or gazed or cast a glance. I didn’t freak out because my sentence structure was repetitive, or because I used the word “just” six times in the space of three pages. I didn’t do a search on the word “was” simply to make sure every instance of the little bastard was active instead of passive. I just wrote. I told Toni and Drake’s story…and I was happy.
I finished “Sweet Revenge” in late December of 2004. And, of course, I wanted it published ASAP – because damn it, I wasn’t the only one who thought it was good! Strangers liked it. People who read Sherrilyn Kenyon’s books actually thought mine was good. They read stories penned by the AG’s magical fingers and thought my story was worthy!!! Trust me when I tell you – no one was more shocked than me. And I was also just as shocked when after doing some research and then querying a few agents, two actually asked me to send them sample chapters. It pains me to admit it now, but I spent an outrageous amount of money on getting a few copies of the query letter, synopsis, and first three chapters printed at Kinko’s. Outrageous I tell you. I’m talking well over $200.00.
Both agents who’d requested the partial manuscript rejected the book about a month and a half later.
One of them even commented that “while the story is intriguing and your voice is strong, you’re technical writing skills aren’t.” And yes, he bashed my technical writing skills all while using you’re instead of your. ;) Now I just laugh…but at the time I was heartbroken. I think I went through nearly every emotion known to man in the space of a few hours. However, when Jen’s dysfunctional wheel of emotion finally stopped spinning, it landed squarely on spite. I’d like to cushion my ego by saying it was actually perseverance, I really would…but I’d be lying. Spite was what carried me through two more books, both of which were written between February 2005 and May 2005. I kept posting chapters on my website as they were finished. I continued to garner praise and encouragement as more and more people showed up to read my work. Truth be told, by the time I finished writing Eternal Desires…I felt like I was on top of the world. Dozens of people were stopping by my website every day to see if I’d posted a new chapter. They were popping into my chat room night after night, wanting to know more about the characters and whose story was next. And I was there every single night to greet them. It didn’t matter if I had to be to work in the morning, because I’d stay in that chat room until I had no other choice than to walk out the door at 8:00 AM lest I get fired. It felt so good to be the center of attention…to have the adoration of people who were just as interested in my world as I was.
The problem was that while I was lost in the fantasy world I’d created…reality sat in the basement wondering where his wife had gone.
It’s not easy to admit that my house was a total mess for months. It’s not easy to admit that there were times when Chad would walk in the door at 1:00 AM (he worked 4pm to 1am), only to find our beautiful 5 year old Heathen being entertained by a movie in the living room because Mommy was too busy chatting on the computer to put her to bed. To this day, the span of October 2004 – August 2005, remains one of the most accomplished…but completely awful periods in my life. I wrote three books during that time, started four more, and made a handful of friends that I still talk to today – but I damn near tore my family apart in the process…
It took a lot of fighting, then being told by a lawyer that there was no way we could get a divorce without the judge ordering us to counseling first, and a few months of said counseling…before Chad and I figured out how to pull our relationship back together. I can look back now and clearly see that we both made mistakes. Me, in retreating into a self-created fantasy world because I thought it was better than my real world. Him, in bottling everything up and not talking about the problems until it was almost too late. But somehow, some way, we made it through and managed to come out better in the end. Sitting here now, I still don’t know how we did it…but I can’t even begin to explain how happy I am that we did. Neither of us is anywhere near perfect, but I’d rather be flawed and with him…than be perfect with anyone else.
I didn’t so much as touch a computer in a writing capacity again for over two years. And let me tell you…it practically took Chad sitting me down in my black leather office chair and putting my fingers on the keyboard to get me to write again. And even then, I’d close the office door behind him and just sit at the computer and cry. I was so afraid that I’d fall back into those bad habits if I started writing again. I was so scared that I’d get sucked back into my fantasy world and lose sight of everything else.
It took a few days and a whole lot of reassurance from Chad, but in November of 2007 I finally started writing again. I’d already decided that the Darkness Within series would probably start out better if the first heroine was a human, and after hanging out in the bookstore one day…Logan Ellis was born. I finished Eternal Seduction in February of 2008. I sent out a round of queries to agents again shortly thereafter, and this time when the requests came – I printed my own copies for no more than the cost of an ink cartridge and tossed them in the mail.
All three agents who’d requested the full manuscript rejected the book about two months later. :)
The only difference this time was that I didn’t get form rejection letters or nasty comments about my technical writing abilities. I had communication with each of the agents, and the consensus was simply that Logan was way too non-traditional for a heroine…and the story was just too dark for the market. They weren’t passing on ES because of my writing abilities. In fact, they had nothing but praise for my writing style and the strength of my voice. I was asked by two of those agents to change Logan’s circumstances, lighten the overall tone of the novel, and then resubmit. I’ve shared this part of my publication story before, but just in case someone’s reading this who doesn’t know…after a lot of thought – I chose not to change Logan or the darker nature of my world. I wanted to tell the story of a character who wasn’t even close to being perfect. A character who’d made mistakes, lived through the consequences…and even in her darkest moments was still worth redemption.
Personally, though I had to take an often criticized and very non-traditional route to get the book out there, I still think I’ve done pretty well with it. ;)
But to continue my story - due to a bad decision to refinance our house via an adjustable rate loan in early 2006, which caused our monthly payment to nearly double when the first adjustment came in 2008, as well as a series of job losses…we lost our home to foreclosure. I’d say I was upset about it, but I really wasn’t. For me, losing the house was actually a relief. Chad and I have always lived paycheck to paycheck. We never had the money to make repairs to the house like it needed. Granted, it wasn’t falling down around us or anything…but the damn thing was built in 1951 and still had the original windows. Not to mention it still had a fuse box and fabric covered wiring. So, like I said, I wasn’t exactly devastated.
In August of 2008 we went from a 2,200 square foot, 3 bedroom house with a full basement…to a 650 square foot, 2 bedroom apartment. Bonus: the house only had one bathroom and our apartment has two. Bonus: while we still live paycheck to paycheck, Chad makes enough to handle all our bills with a little extra left over each month. Bonus: because Chad’s paychecks cover everything, I can stay home and write. Not that I could find a job outside the house right now if I wanted to, considering all my skills are for office work and I haven’t seen an office related want ad in our local paper for over a year.
There are other bonuses, too. Big ones, like being here for the Heathen when she gets home from school. Having the time to spend with her when she wants to watch a movie or talk about why she doesn’t like some of her classmates, which is always fun. :) Then there’s being here for Chad, especially now that he’s working 50+ hours a week AND going to college full-time. I can’t tell you how great it feels to be able to give him the same kind of support he gave me when I decided to self-publish Eternal Seduction.
The problem right now is that part of lending him that unwavering support involves not having nearly the amount of time to write that I used to. And even now, almost 5 years after the relationship issues my writing once caused…I still have trouble writing for more than an hour or two when he or the Heathen are home or awake. And I still can’t focus on writing unless the apartment is spotless, and all the chores/duties I feel like I’m responsible for are finished. It doesn’t matter how many times Chad tells me that we aren’t the same people we were back then, or how many times he tells me to keep writing…I just can’t do it. I know it's a psychological thing. I know it's based on fears that are five years old. But what I feel will always win out over what I know, even when logic tells me otherwise.
I’m also finding that I really miss having an office. When I was at my desk in our former home, comfortable in my high back chair, I was damn near unstoppable. I could close the door, crank up the music, and go wherever the characters wanted to take me. When I stepped into that room, I knew I was at work. The Heathen knew I was at work. She didn’t see me sitting at the kitchen table, which is literally in the kitchen, working less than 5 feet from the refrigerator…or on the couch in the living room. She wasn’t tempted to talk to me about whatever topic was on her mind because Mom working looked the same as Mom playing a game on her laptop. And I…well, I can’t look at her when she wants my attention and tell her she can’t talk to me because I’m writing. She’s almost 11…in two years I’ll probably have to bribe her to talk to me. I don’t want to miss the moments when she actually wants to share her thoughts with me.
I should also take a moment to point out that this apartment complex is quickly turning into the ghetto of this rather small college town. When we first moved here there were some college kids…but now they’re everywhere. I can’t sit in the living room during the day and try to write without hearing people hooting and hollering outside. I also can’t sit at the table around Noon, when people are standing outside my front windows while waiting for their kids to get off the bus, without hearing the f-word 50+ times or stories about anal sex, or whatever else they’ve decided to talk about. And mind you, I can still hear them plain as day with the windows closed and headphones on.
Yes, the windows are that bad.
I wish I wasn’t the kind of writer who needs peace and quiet, aside from whatever music I’ve chosen for the scene I’m writing…but I am. If I’m engrossed in writing a scene, especially an emotional or intimate scene, it only takes three to four distractions to completely pull me out of the story. And once I’m out, it can easily take an hour or more for the irritation to subside so I can get back to where I was. This is one of my main problems with Eternal Hearts right now. Toni is a very compassionate and caring character, and one I can’t write when I’m pissed off or irritated. She’s also an extremely difficult character for me to write in the first place, mostly because her personality is so different from my own. I have a hard enough time not turning her into Logan’s evil twin as it is…the last thing I need is to already be in a bad mood when I sit down to do the final read.
I know the obvious answer is to move into a 3 bedroom apartment in a quieter complex, but right now that’s not something Chad and I can afford. Plus, we had to sign a lease for August 2010 – August 2011 back in December or they’d rent our apartment to someone else. So, at the very least, we’re stuck here until next year. The question now is how do I deal with all the distractions and irritations that this apartment complex causes me, and manage to keep writing without feeling like I’m missing out on time with my family? And, how the hell do I get my books out on time if I’m too irritated write?
I’m about five hours into the first night of the 3SWP. That stands for 3rd Shift Writing Project, just in case you forgot while reading the short book I’ve written so far…if you’ve even managed to stay with me this long. :) This is my answer. I’m writing while Chad and the Heathen are asleep. I don’t feel guilty for working while they’re sitting in the living room. I don’t feel like I’m neglecting the two people I love more than anything in the world. And so far, the apartment complex appears to be playing along. There’s no screaming, no drunken college kids running around the parking lot, and no discussions happening outside my windows between sex crazed neighbors. There’s just me, my music, and the almost 3,000 words I’ve written in the last few hours. Granted, these words aren’t meant for the pages of a book, but this is the first time in months that I’ve managed to put this much “ink to paper” in one sitting.
I know that revelation probably doesn’t seem like a big deal, and it certainly doesn’t get Eternal Hearts any closer to your bookshelf…but it means a lot to me. It means that once I take Chad and the Heathen to work/school at 8:45 AM, then come home and go back to bed until 3:00 PM…I’ll wake up to start my day having accomplished the only goal I set for myself tonight…
I wrote a story that made me smile, a story that made me cry…and a story that reminded me why I love writing in the first place. There was nothing fancy about it. And not once did I stop to check whether my sentence structure had become repetitive, or worry that I used the word “just” too many times. I just wrote. I told my story…and I was happy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)